“it’s me, Daddy.”

{ Today’s GloryStory is guest authored by T, a young mom in prison. }

My son was non-verbal for the first years of his life. Communication was desirable for all of us, yet he would not make eye contact with me or anyone. He was always so tense, crying, and most often screaming. I would run around frantically and in tears myself, trying to figure out what he needed or wanted. At night I would lie in bed holding him tight, trying to get him to relax his body long enough to fall asleep, and he would struggle and resist for hours.

One evening he stood in a corner of the living room, hands over his ears, his body completely stiff, screaming and crying uncontrollably. I began my normal routine of running from toy to toy, food to food, book to book, yet nothing was satisfactory to help calm him. I tried and tried to get him to focus on me. “Son, it’s Mommy,” I would say with tears streaming now my face because he would not allow me to ease his pain. If only I could get him to look me in the eyes, I thought.

After multiple failed attempts, I was so desperate that I got down on my knees in the floor in front of him. I pulled his face down to mine. We both had tears flowing, yet he resisted even though I got down lower than him. He kept pulling away and purposefully looking in other directions even though we were almost nose to nose. Then I cupped my hands around his temples, creating blinders. There we were… nose to nose, with me pleading, “Son, please. It’s me, Mommy. Please, son, please look at me. Please look into my eyes. It’s me, son. I love you. Please.” And at that moment, his screams quieted to a whimper, his body relaxed, and his eyes looked straight into mine! I just keep repeating softly, “Yes! Yes! It’s Mommy! I love you!” As our eyes connected, sheer joy rushed into my heart. My son “called” me Mommy for the first time that night.

I have often thought this is the perfect picture of our Father and us. How often do we live life with stress and anxiety, frustration and disappointment, anger and emptiness, and He is running around directing paths for us, yet we don’t take them. We might even look the other way out of denial or unwillingness. Yet, God came down to us as Jesus. He got down on our level and persistently pursued us, all the while calling out, “Daughter, daughter. It’s me, Daddy.  I love you! Why won’t you look at me? Look into my eyes, please.”

I remember the exact moment when it felt like God cupped my face, blocking out all my past and pain, and I surrendered my life and called Him “Father” for the first time. My life has not been the same since. Despite the fences, I have found complete freedom in Him.

{ Whatever has you helpless or distracted, angry or distant, confused or hurting, lonely, lost or purposeless… God is whispering to you, “It’s me, Daddy. Look at me. Look for me. Look to me. I’m here. I’ve always been here. And most importantly, I love you.” }

Know Him and make Him known!

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us,
that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”
1 John 3:1

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